It's . . . trippy.

I mean, I've read a lot of books. A LOT lot. But this immersion is the weirdest reading experience I've ever had. I read these books, and Ophelia is me. This stuff is happening to me. Granted, these authors have her only pretending to be crazy and die, but even so . . .

Watching the movies is also An Experience. Kate Winslet gets better every time I watch her, and of course there's Mariah Gale and Helena Bonham Carter. I have yet to see Julia Stiles, although I'm sure she's fabulous. I always like her. And then there's Lalla Ward, whom I just can't stand. She's got a very expressive, emotive voice, but she NEVER MOVES HER FACE. And so while she's breaking your heart with her voice, she's standing there looking like a mannequin. Perhaps she should have gone into voice acting instead.

And me . . . I had it figured out, I really did. I already knew plenty about Hamlet, and most of the people I know are in theater, so . . . that's the sort of thing we talk about. But then, being the obsessive person that I am, I had to go and start reading everything that anyone has ever had to say on the subject (literally), and now I have no idea what I'm doing.

I think I might actually be scared.

And I don't know what Marlene has in mind for this, as far as interpretation goes. I know it's going to be modern, but that's about it.

And the guy playing Hamlet is about 15 years older than me. And, heretofore -- I mean, wait. Goddamn, I'm even starting to talk in Early Modern English. AHEM. I'm starting over. I know the guy . . . hell, I've even read lines with him. But we've never spoken outside of that, which is also kind of nerve-wracking.

Rehearsals officially start week after next, and our rehearsal space just so happens to be not at the theater, but in a church. I've rehearsed for shows in several churches, but I feel differently about it now. It's like I can't get away from churches no matter how hard I try.